The SS Selections

I am aware that this sounds like I am selecting people to join Hitler's rather controversial policing unit but alas this is just my Premier League picks for this weekend.

Villa v Arsenal – Away win

The Gunners have had some big wins away from home in the league and despite losing their last two games against Spurs and Braga (in Europe) they will probably have too much for Houlier’s young Villa team.

Bolton v Blackpool - Home win

Coyles team march on here. They also have one of the most underrated players in the league in Lee Chung-Yong.

Everton v West Brom – Home win

Everton were much better than Sunderland on Monday night and West Brom appear on a slippery slope. No brainer really

Fulham v Birmingham – Draw

Birmingham beat Chelsea at the weekend but had just one shot in 90 mins. Fulham were woeful against City and Hughes can't seem to buy a win.

United v Blackburn – Home win

United will continue to be dull, Nani will annoy the hell out of everyone for 90 mins and will then do something out of the ordinary that will win the game.

Stoke v City- Away win

Despite Mancini not been the man for the job (and for City’s owners the job is them winning the title) I have a feeling their players will do what they want here and they’ll win 2 or 3 nil. And Tony Pulis will cry.

West Ham v Wigan – Draw

Bold prediction here... this will be shown last on Match Of The Day and it will be 0-0. Both teams are so poor it’s beyond belief.

Wolves v Sunderland – Home win

I think Wolves are better than their position suggests and Sunderland are so unpredictable. Awful at Newcastle, okay at Spurs, brilliant at Chelsea; I can’t figure this team out.

Newcastle v Chelsea – Away win

Ancelotti isn't losing three games in a row. Just isn't happening. Can see Drogba destroying Newcastle here.

Spurs v Liverpool – Home win

Usually I would pick a draw in this situation and by Sunday I may have persuaded myself that Spurs Euro exploits would have rendered them knackered, but without Gerrard, I cant see Liverpool getting anything here.

New Job = No Blog

In one of my early blogs, I waxed lyrical about how I go through obsession phases and vowed that golf wouldn't be one, and I might add that it wasn’t. I played until mid September before Saturday league football started again and free time became precious. I never did manage to break 90 but rest assured the clubs will be out again come April and hopefully sooner than that.

What did appear to be nothing more than a fad was this very blog. Having smashed my way through six in four to five weeks, nothing has been forthcoming in the last three and half months. As a result of rather indirectly selling my soul to Murdoch, the truth is that I’ve not had the time to put any thoughts down on paper and for a couple of months i barely had time to watch as much football, NFL, golf, or cricket as I normally would.

The workload continues to increase but as my last blog post back in August focused on what I thought would be of interest in this year’s Premier League, a good way to get blogging again would be to see how the five topics that were supposed to keep everyone interested this season are progressing.

1. Javier Hernandez

I’m going to come off extremely biased here but I simply don’t care; this guy looks the complete package so far. Chicharito has seven goals this season, including the winners at Stoke in the league and Wolves in the Carling Cup. His first goal at Stoke however is the one that sticks in most people’s mind, as he somehow managed to arch his back and place a header into the back of the net using the back of his head. I mentioned a few months back that I was really looking forward to seeing him play with Rooney, however young Wayne’s well documented issues on and off the field have meant that this partnership hasn’t really got started. Even without Rooney though, Hernandez has blossomed into United’s most likely threat if a goal is needed.

2. They say in America that parity usually rules supreme in the NFL, and for the first time in a long time, the Premier League is starting to head in that direction. The standards may have dropped somewhat but overall this makes for a more exciting league. Chelsea currently top the table and have four defeats in late November. FOUR DEFEATS!!!!. Last year they had six in total. But Chelsea isn’t the only team to have odd results. Sunderland who ran out 3-0 victors at the Champions ten days ago, had two weeks previously been battered 5-1 at their biggest rivals Newcastle. Newcastle themselves were beaten by the same score line at Bolton (this years surprise package) this past Saturday. West Brom have travelled to the Emirates and won and taken a point at Old Trafford, yet managed to be beaten 3-0 at home by a Stoke team who are on a three game unbeaten run having lost their previous five. One thing that does stay constant, West Ham are rubbish. Their performance at Anfield last Saturday evening was nothing short of a joke and they are surely dead certainties to go down.

3. My early season prediction looked something like this.

1. Chelsea

2. Arsenal

3. United

4. City

5. Spurs

6. Liverpool

At the moment the table looks like this

1. Chelsea

2. United

3. Arsenal

4. City

5. Bolton

6. Spurs

With Liverpool currently in ninth and so inconsistent they can’t be trusted to put together two wins against teams in my Saturday league, the top six will more than likely stay that way, but I would swap Bolton and Spurs around. Bolton are a completely different side under Owen Coyle and are playing some great football that has got them big results recently against Spurs, Newcastle and Wolves. Plus they were one kick away from an impressive win at Goodison a few weeks back; I can see them sticking around.

As for the title race itself, at 12.45 last Saturday I had Arsenal, at. 1.45 I was ready to sign into Oddschecker and find the best price, at 2.40 I didn’t know what to think. Chelsea then went to St Andrews and got beat, whilst United plodded past Wigan without much fuss or fanfare. I’ve talked about Chelsea already but as for United, they hardly look inspiring yet somehow they remain undefeated. This is not a team that would win the title in any other season but this year with the other team slipping up anything is possible. City? Well they have talent but as I’ve said before I don’t think Mancini will bring them the title or even a trophy. Winning 4-1 away at Fulham was a step in the right direction but any manager who brings on Gareth Barry and thinks it will bring them a goal isn’t convincing me. As for Spurs, they may be the most exciting team in the league in terms of entertainment and they have made the best signing of the season in Van Der Vaart, (excuse me i’m just thinking of him playing every week at Old Trafford....... sighs), however they are more susceptible to a draw or defeat at home to a so called lesser team and so Harry’s dreams of a title will have to wait. As a famous commentator once said “It’s Up For Grabs Now”.

4. The blue half of Merseyside once again had a terrible start, blowing my prediction of them making the Champions League right out of the water. Losing Rodwell at the start of the season didn’t help a huge amount, but they have lost just one of their last eight games, the 2-1 home defeat to Arsenal. Whilst that run sounds impressive, too many draws in that sequence have meant that they haven’t really climbed the table as much as they would like. They have two tough away games ahead of them at Chelsea and City, places they managed to take four points in total from last season, and with some very winnable home games coming up Moe from the Simpsons, Albert Steptoe and the rest of the toffees will be climbing up the table, I’m still pretty confident of that. They may even finish higher than the red half of Merseyside.

5. I owe the people and supporters of Blackpool an apology. Currently residing in 12^thplace they already have more points than I thought they would amass the entire season. Ian Holloway has brought with him a much needed breath of fresh air in terms of post match interviews and he has also brought with him a squad with a huge amount of fighting spirit as demonstrated by their "heroic in defeat" performances against City and Villa and of course their famous win at Anfield. With the talented Charlie Adam patrolling the midfield, and Luke Varney and Marlon Harewood coming up with some big goals, including Varney’s candidate for goal of the season against Wolves, the Tangerines have a great chance of staying up. And here’s hoping they do as a lack of cash means I can’t make the United trip there in a couple of weeks.

A Season to look forward to?

This past Sunday I went to Wembley for the Charity Shield despite saying like I do every year that it’s a waste of time. My £20 ticket price was the main reason for my attendance; that and the fact that I haven’t been to a game since Paul Scholes’ last minute header at Eastlands sent me into delirium.

United deserved to win but as the new season gets underway this weekend I’m struggling for things to look forward to. Here’s a cobbled together list of what I think will be of interest in 2010/2011:

1. Javier Hernandez

When United signed this kid from Mexico I was pretty sceptical. For starters recent young strikers signed to the club haven’t exactly been successes; Dong, Manucho, and to a lesser extent Diouf have hardly lit up Old Trafford over the past few years. Yet there is something different about this lad. His two goals in the World Cup filled me with some optimism, but then again so did Karel Porborsky. His movement looks fantastic and in 5 minutes on Sunday he did more than Owen managed in 45. What we didn’t see on Sunday was him play with Rooney. Whilst it was great to see Rooney smack in goal after goal last year, I can see his natural ability to link with players like he did with Ronaldo, to be of great benefit to Hernandez who appears to have a good eye for the target. This kid has potential. Plus he has the ability to kick the ball against his own face and still score.

2. People whinging about the league been rubbish because the standard has dropped

Last season I heard people complaining that the league was rubbish. The reason? The big teams were losing too many games and therefore the standard of the league had dropped. Whilst this may be the case, this doesn't make the league as a whole not good to watch. If anything it makes it a more entertaining league because it gives fans something to talk about. There was a point last season where Everton beat Chelsea and United in the space of three days at Goodison Park. Two years ago United and Chelsea took maximum points from those trips to Merseyside whilst a year later both could only manage a draw. It shows that the standard of the teams that are outside the so called ‘big four’ is improving, which is surely better for the league in the long run because it makes it more competitive. A more competitive league makes for a better, dare I say it, product as fans will maintain interest. Which, in a way, leads me onto my next point.

3. The Title Race

Six teams could win the league this year. That’s right, six. At the moment I have Chelsea as favourites but wouldn’t be overly shocked if United, Arsenal, City, Liverpool or Spurs go close. If Chelsea had of had a fit Michale Essien last season they would have won the league by nine points. Even though he is returning this year, the squad is continuing to get older and they have lost a creative player in Joe Cole who has great ability. Whilst United and Arsenal have added a couple of players, they are by no means world beaters who have taken the squad to another level. City have spent a lot of cash this summer and will compete whilst Spurs and Liverpool have added one or two players to the mix. I have Chelsea winning it from Arsenal, with United third and and City fourth just ahead of Spurs and Liverpool. But one team could blow that prediction out of the water.

4. Everton to continue their good form

Everton are a team that I would be keeping a close eye on next season if I were Spurs, City or anyone else who ends up in the fight for a Champions League place. If the team can stay healthy they can certainly make a push for fourth spot. Last season with a fully fit squad the Toffees had the third best form after 1^st January, behind United and Chelsea, losing just two games. They seem to have fought off the advances for some of their best players in Arteta and Jagleika and are producing talent such as Seamus Coleman and of course Jack Rodwell who looks to be the real deal. David Moyes has put together a fantastic bunch of players, which may be lacking a little in depth but make up for that in spirit. They have a great chance this year.

5. Blackpool to beat Derby’s low points record

In 2008 Derby County managed just 11 points all season long and this year it will be touch and go as to whether or not Blackpool will beat that record. I don’t mean to have a go at Blackpool because in all honesty I don’t know enough about them to break their squad down bit by bit. What I do know about them is that they have an unproven manager at top level, no players with top flight experience and they already appear to be having money issues, as they have only just managed to pay bonuses to players for last seasons promotion. They are struggling to get their ground ready and already have had to switch one fixture around. No matter what pundits may say, off the field problems do have an influence on the pitch when teams are struggling; look at Pompey last year. Their one shining light looks to be Charlie Adam who from what I have seen looks fairly useful. They have to go to Arsenal, Chelsea, and Liverpool by early October where they will surely take a hiding. Big defeats at grounds like that can have a huge knock on a teams confidence and they will find it very hard to come back from that.

And that’s about it. The lack of movement in the transfer market has meant that there are no huge big players going back to former clubs where feelings will run high and the atmosphere will be good. There haven’t been a huge number of managerial changes either. It’s been an incredibly dull summer. What the league needs is a couple of great games in the first weekend of the season. Spurs v City and Liverpool v Arsenal has the potential to do the trick.

Breaking 90

I arrived at the 17^th tee at Hanbury Manor on Wednesday in fantastic spirits.

“So what club you taking?” says Keith, who I have known for no longer than the four hours we have spent out on the course.

“3 Iron as always” I say.

I strike the ball and it flies down the middle of the fairway. Boy did that feel sweet.

Fast forward to a few minutes later… “Lads, can anyone see my ball?, Seriously where the hell is it?” The search continued for ten minutes before I gave up and took a drop. My fantastic back nine was about to be blown to pieces.

I am a man who will readily admit that I go through what I guess you could call obsession phases. In the past they have included what have been dubbed my friends at work as “man crushes” on David Villa, Wesley Sneijder and a minor fatherly crush on Tom Watson (although it pales in comparison to a work colleague who says he is the best man on the planet). I do the same thing with TV shows. At present I am currently flying through episodes of Seinfeld on a nightly basis, despite having seen them all and I’m sure in a few months I will move onto some other show like Mad Men or Curb Your Enthusiasm. These are usually just phases and to an extent I am going through one with Golf at the moment. I've been here with Golf before, although it feels a bit different this time around.

Last Sunday I played Silvermere, a lovely little course near Woking in preparation for a corporate golf day at Hanbury Manor, a course that had previously hosted the English Open in the late nineties. As always we were playing twilight and were due of at 5.30. We planned to make it there for 4.45 in order to get in some time on the range; however for some reason we didn’t bother and managed to get ourselves onto the course 20 minutes earlier. The problem here being that I need time on the range in order to get rid of all the rubbish shots that are bound to feature in the round if I don’t do so. So, on we rushed and sure enough it was terrible. I fluffed the ball off the first tee, managed to smack the second shot into the adjacent driving range, and fluff two more before eventually sinking a putt for a ten. A TEN ON THE FIRST!! It could only get better. Well it sort of did. A five on the par three second wasn’t great but as we went on things did get a little better and I started to hit the ball reasonably well; until we reached the eighth. Now the eighth hole is a dogleg left par three that is the hardest on the course apparently, although to be honest it isn’t hugely difficult, just long. I hit a decent tee shot and an average second shot to leave myself around 90 yards to the pin; however I had low hanging branches that made the shot a lot harder. I took out my seven iron and tried to punch it in. It looked great and as the ball zipped towards the centre of the green and my hopes of a par putt looked nailed on, but the ball didn’t stop. It kept rolling and rolling and fell off the back of the green leaving me with a nasty chip. When I tell you I got an 8, I don’t need to tell you that the chip didn’t work as planned. Two bad putts on the par three ninth brought more misery and after that it was dreadful. And not just for me either, my mate Joe had a shocker as every ball he hit seemed to have a magnet towards a bunker.

I came off the course after hitting 106, seriously considering taking lessons if I was going to get any better. I am 110% sure that I am one of millions of amateur golfers who has gone through the same emotions. Rather desperately I purchased a Tom Watson DVD called lessons of a lifetime. As a guy who has used the interlock grip his entire golf life, it didn’t fill me with much confidence that Tom said I should use the overlap grip. What the hell I thought, nothing else is working. I went to the range the night before and after a few shockers the ball started to do what it was supposed to. I remained very cautious however; hitting the ball on the range and hitting the ball on the course in front of a group of lads that you don’t know and are more than likely to be silently judging you (because let’s face it that’s what I would do) are two very different things.

I arrived at Hanbury Manor more in hope than expectation. The place is comfortably the best I have ever played and looked magnificent. You never realise how well kept private courses are kept in comparison to public courses. This was like golf pornography. Inspired by the magnificent surroundings I played the best I had all year. With my new grip intact the ball simply flew off the club.

Sure there was the odd shocking effort but as I approached the par five 9^th I had hit 43 and was full of confidence. A rather stray five iron meant that I had ended up in the first of three beaches. I proceeded to go in all three of them before ending up with a nine and a score of 51 on the first nine. What followed was seven holes of the most consistent golf I had played all year with putts been sunk from all sorts of distances. And then I arrived at the seventeenth.

This was a 440 yard par five that looked reasonably straight forward. A decent tee shot was needed to avoid having to go over some water on the right hand side to reach the green. What happened to the ball I still can’t figure out. Maybe it travelled into another dimension or something. Or a seagull picked it up and flew off with it. I was so worked up about it but still managed to smash my dropped third shot towards the green leaving myself an approach over a bunker to land it on the putting service. However still feeling a sense of injustice I went over not just the bunker but also went over the green and half way down the hill at the back. The resulting 8 meant my anger levels were at an all time high as I drilled my tee shot off the final hole into the sun glistening lake. This was like Van Der Velde all over again and after managing to calm myself somewhat, I finished with a 6 meaning I had hit 100 dead on.

Coming off the course I was gutted. All I could think of was that ball. That damn Nike 3 ball. On the drive home I spent two hours driving through central London and managed to gain some perspective. On Sunday I had played awful. Today was, by my own standards, great. Two bad holes aside I had played the best all year. And now I am more determined than ever to get better at this game. I have set myself a target for the year. Nothing ridiculous, the aim is to break 90. This is my new obsession. And this one will not be a fad. Coulsdon Manor on Sunday awaits.

Title challenge needed for Roberto and his scarf to remain at Eastlands

City will make the Top four this season. The squad is to good now for it not to happen. The big question for them, or more likely their owners is, “is that enough?”

City are now in a similar position to where Chelsea were at the start of the 2004/2005 season. They have had one full season with new ownership and have a relatively new manager. Mancini has had one full summer to make signings and make the team his own. This year he can have no excuses for not delivering what is expected of him.

What differentiates them from Chelsea is that in 2004, Chelsea already had the basis of a decent squad with talent such as Joe Cole and Frank Lampard in their ranks. Coming off a second place finish in the Premier league they were able to attract better players to the squad because they could offer Champions League football. Therefore, once the special one had been appointed at Stamford Bridge he was able to go out and sign players of real quality who had serious credentials. They were able to sign players like Carvalho and Ferreira who had won the Champions League, a striker in Drogba who had already destroyed Liverpool and Newcastle in the Uefa Cup and Peter Cech who despite been a relative unknown to most fans over here at the time, became one the best goalkeepers in the world.

David Silva is a fantastic addition to City’s squad but whilst Yaya Toure and if he arrives, Balotelli, have won Europe’s premier competition, they certainly weren’t the driving force behind those wins. Also, does City really want to be chasing after players who react like this when they are brought on as a late sub?

Given the amount of squad rotation that will have to be done at Eastlands this year it seems like a strange choice.

And that is another issue that Mancini will have to deal with; the size of the squad. On Friday Jim White and Co stuck up the names of the entire City midfield.

Michael Johnson

Stephen Ireland

Shaun Wright-Phillips

Adam Johnson

Gareth Barry

David Silva

Patrick Vieria

Kelvin Etuhu

Vincent Kompany

Nigel De Jong

Vladimir Weis

Yaya Toure

Abdisalam Ibrahim

If you add Milner to that list, City will have 14 players vying for three spots assuming Mancini goes with his 4-3-3 formation that he used last season. How do you keep all of them happy? By juggling the squad round week by week surely there can’t be any consistency for the team either. Look at Benitez at Liverpool. It could be argued that his constant tinkering with his team cost him his job because he never knew what his best team was.

Mourinho had a plan for Chelsea when he took over and as a result he got rid of a lot of the dead wood at Stamford Bridge that didn’t fit in. Out went Petit, Hasselbaink, Desailly, Babayaro, Melchiot, Zenden and a few others, whilst Crespo and a young Carlton Cole were sent out on loan to Milan and Villa respectively. This gave his new signings faith that he believed in them and that they were the players to go out and win the league. There has been little evidence so far that Mancini wants to get rid of any players although with a squad cap of 25 players been enforced by the Premier League this season, he will have to make some tough choices sooner or later.

What I do think is crucial for City is a good start. Mourinho was able to put down a marker in his first game as they beat United 1-0 at the Bridge. City has a great opportunity to do just that as they face Spurs at White Hart Lane on the opening day of the season and then Liverpool at Eastlands a week later. Win those two and the confidence will flow through the squad like the Thames does through London. However if they lose both, there will be serious questions about the players that Mancini has brought in.

Of course there will be plenty of time for them to recover and this is a squad that possesses some of the best talent in the country (Gareth Barry excluded). For me though, City’s fate will be determined by how Mancini copes with the pressure that the job at Eastlands now comes with. At Inter he was gifted the title by the match fixing scandal of 2006, yet in Europe he couldn’t get Inter past the second round of the Champions League where he was frequently outwitted by Europe’s other top coaches. He was eventually sent on his way by Inter and replaced with Jose himself. Mourinho charmed the media in his first season here and whilst he did ruffle a few feathers along the way he was able to take the pressure of his team and keep the media focused on him. His players loved him for that and as a result they played for him in a way that they didn’t for Grant or Scolari, his two main successors. Mancini is of course his own man but he would do well to take note of how Mourinho coped with the pressure of building a new team and fans and media expecting results straight away.

A top four position is more than achievable for a team with City’s riches, especially given a lack of real investment by any of the other so called big sides. It would represent progress for City, however Mancini will have to do a lot more than that to keep his job at Eastlands. Otherwise he may see Jose on the other side of that revolving door again in ten months time. Just ask Ranieri.

What If Gerrard and Torres left?

It’s no secret that Liverpool is in a huge amount of debt and this has obviously meant that star players have been linked with moves away. New boss Roy Hodgson has said publically that he has no intention of selling Torres or Gerrard. But what if he did? Being realistic here, Gerrard would command around £30m and Torres £50m. £80m for two players, not a bad bit of business. But why sell them and where do you spend the money?



As I write this Gerrard has given his biggest hint yet that he is going to stay on but for me the time has come for him to move away. He will go down as a legend at Anfield and rightly so, but this past season he mailed in performances and looked disinterested. This may have been down to his disillusionment with Benitez for sure, but a lack of Champions League football and no realistic chance of winning the title this season mean that Gerrard could go his entire career without a league winners medal. A move to Madrid, which has been touted around, would make most sense given the calibre of the new boss there. As for Torres if Liverpool get offered £50m for a guy who has serious injury problems then they should grab it. Torres is world class, there is no doubt about it, but he is no good to Liverpool on the bench. The problem is that Hodgson would realistically only get £40m of the Gerrard and Torres money to spend.

The signing of one of English football’s most creative players in Joe Cole is certainly a step in the right direction for Liverpool. It is certainly not like me to praise those on the red side of Stanley Park, but I have a feeling they may have got one of the deals of the summer here. Granted he is coming off the back of a long term injury, but he is only in his late twenties and has a whole lot to offer any team. Where Liverpool struggled in part last season was a creative outlet to create scoring opportunities for Torres and dare I say it Ngog. Cole should be the man to unlock the door.

So what to do with £40m?

They are no longer in position to sign the best players like they were 30 years ago when Keegan moved on and was replaced by Dalglish, or 20 years ago when Rush was sold and replaced by Aldridge. So they have to buy smart in order to upgrade their squad.

Defensively only Chelsea and United conceded less goals than Liverpool last year but a lot of that can be put down to the form of Reina. Looking at their squad there isn’t a standout player for me in that defence. Carragher was destroyed by Jozy Altidore in the World Cup and will add another year to his already slowing carcass this season, whilst they haven’t had a good enough left back in a long time. Seeing the form of Stephen Warnock at Villa last season must have had a few people wondering why he had been let go so early in his Anfield career. I would look at Hangeland from Fulham who would be available for around £10m to sure up the centre of the defence. At left back they could do worse than to take a punt on the Mexican left back Salcido who had a very impressive World Cup. The PSV defender would cost at a guess around £5m.

The midfield looks surprisingly healthy even if you discount Gerrard from the mix. The most successful teams in the World Cup showed that two holding midfielders can be used to free up other attacking options. With Mascherano and Aqulani Liverpool have that already and this would enable Joe Cole to have free reign behind the striker. And I know he is very, very average at best but Lucas can serve as a back up to these two.

If you go with Cole supporting a striker that leaves two spots out wide and one up front. Ryan Babel has proven that he has got the ability to so I would give him one last chance and look to Alexis Sanchez from Udinese on the wing and Roman Pavlyuchenko up front. Sanchez had a fantastic World Cup and showed that he had the pace to threaten any team on the break, whilst Pavlyuchenko has shown that he is a natural goal scorer who will take chances when given them. These two could both be acquired for £25m.



So there you have it. A line up that would look something like this:

GK: Reina
RB: Johnson
CB: Hangeland
CB: Agger
LB: Salcido
DM: Mascherano
DM: Aquilani
LW: Babel
AM: Cole
RW: Sanchez
CF: Pavlyuchenko

Subs: Kuyt, Lucas, Maxi, Carragher, Ngog, Jovanovic, Diego(GK)

You may look at the team above and think that this is not a side that is going to win the title and you’d be right, but for Liverpool this season a top four spot is the aim. If Hodgson does happen to agree with me then this team can achieve that, I just hope he isn’t reading.

Fixing Fantasy Football

One day. That’s all it took; just one day. Just 24 hours after Andreas Iniesta had powered home his late winner for the Spanish in Soccer city, I received my invite to join the 7th annual ‘League of Keith’s’ Fantasy Football League. Normally the mention of the start of a new Fantasy Football League would fill me with a rush of boyhood giddiness similar to the likes felt when school had finished up for the summer or when my old man used to take me to games at OT. So why do I seem disinterested this time around?

I started playing Fantasy Football when I was eleven years old. Inspired by watching Baddiel and Skinner late on a Friday night, a group of us got together to do our very own fantasy league six weeks or so from the end of the 1992/93 season. We held an auction in my bedroom where the six of us went through our shortlists and bid on names such as Lars Bohinen, Colin Hendry and my own personal favorite, Darren Peacock, who I signed for a cool £37 million. Unfortunately our first attempt was short lived. After a day of watching the scores update on Ceefax we somehow made a huge mess of the scoring system and the league was abandoned one week in. A few months later with the 1993/94 season on the horizon, six or seven of us congregated at my friend Paddy’s house for the first real auction. This lasted a good couple of hours and by the end of the day we all had a squad of 22 players to choose from.

My main problem with Fantasy Football at the moment is that in a sense it is too easy (although I have never won one myself). By this I mean that everyone theoretically can have the same team.

You’re given a budget of £100m, a list of every player in the league and you go and pick your team. In a league of 20 people it’s pretty much guaranteed that fifteen of the managers would have Lampard, Torres or Rooney in their ranks. It usually takes people three of four weeks to get into the swing of things and if there team is struggling they give up and don’t bother with it for the rest of the year.

I’ve been playing the NFL version of fantasy league and have found this to be a much more fulfilling experience. The good thing about the American system is that you have a draft at the start of the season that determines which team each individual player lands on. Once the draft is complete you are then free to trade players between teams with the approval of the other league members. The system has proved hugely successful over the years, to the point where magazines are produced previewing the upcoming fantasy season and companies such as ESPN have their very own fantasy league section, with writers devoted to writing about nothing but fantasy sports.

In order to make Fantasy Football exciting again, I believe we should look to rip off the American way with five simple steps.

1. The Auction

Auctions are great because everyone’s football knowledge was put to the test. A budget of £50 million should be more than enough to assemble a squad of 18 players. I’m no tech geek but I’m sure that someone out there would be able to put this together online. Features such as last season’s stats would prove really useful for managers to review and help them make signings. As well as a chat board where you can give out stick to as many other managers as you want. A list of my own personal auction highlights can be seen below.

• My purchase of Robert Lee for £1.5m (brilliant deal)
• My signing of Kevin Gallen for £2m (not so brilliant)
• My Swapping of Eric Cantona for John Salako ten minutes after the auction had finished (god damn disastrous)
• Paddy signing Martin Keown for £6m and signing Jason Euell for a similar fee on the back of his “he’s the next Pele” claim
• Adam Cooper bringing up Kevin Richardson as his first player to bid on...there were no other offers.




2. Post Auction Transfer budget

This does exist to an extent at the moment in the majority of online Fantasy Leagues. On the Premier League’s official game site what you don’t spend when selecting your squad initially, you get to keep for yourself.

What I am proposing is a £15m post auction transfer kitty that every manager gets given as soon as the auction comes to an end. With this money the manager can bid for any opposing manager’s players, but only sign one player a month in order to limit the amount of players movement around the league. So if I wanted to sign Rooney from another manager I could in theory bid £15m for him. However, with a squad size limitation I would have to make room for him. How do I do that? I here you ask.

3. The Free Agent List

Similar to the NFL waiver wire, the free agent list would serve as just that; a list of players that weren’t picked up at the auction. In order to sign Rooney, I would have to release one of my players and they would join the free agent list. Anyone could then pick up my discarded player from the list and add them to their squad. As many free agents can be picked up by any one manager at a time, as long as they don’t break the eighteen-player squad limit. This of course can lead to great free agent signings like in 1993 when Kieran called Paddy’s house on a Sunday night at 10.30 to ask if anyone had Barry Venison in there squad. Surprisingly he didn’t get a positive answer.

4. Turning the league into one on one matches.

One of the best things about NFL fantasy league is that you square off against each other every week. One week you can face your mate at work, the next you can face off against your mate from home. This is great as it makes the league more competitive and keeps people interested from day one. Three points would be awarded for a win, one for a draw and nothing for a defeat. So even if you lose the first three games of the season, you don’t lose interest by the end of August because there is still so much more time left to make up the difference.

5. Simple Point Scoring

I can’t stand things like double points for captain and ‘Dream Team’ star man gets extra points. It’s a lot of extra fuss that isn’t needed. Also getting points for just playing is ridiculous. I would have the rules be as simple as this.

Goal Scored
Striker – 3 Points
Midfielder – 4 Points
Defender – 5 Points
Goalkeeper – 7 Points

Goal Keepers and Defenders
Clean Sheet 2 Points
Goal Conceded - - 1

Assists – 2 Points

Yellow cards - - 2
Red Card – - 5

This system makes the game a lot easier to follow.

So there you have it. Fantasy Football fixed in five simple points. Of course there is a 2% chance of anyone picking up on this idea but still, feedback is always welcome. Let’s start a fantasy revolution.